Pairing: Sehun/Lu Han, Tao/Kris, maybe others if you squint
Genre: AU, Humour, Fluff
Word count: 3986
Summary: Lu Han was a an otaku with a thing for all things cute and cuddly. And Oh Sehun.
Like everyone else in the world, Lu Han was not perfect, as much as he would like to be. While his youthful charms and pretty boy looks would have normally garnered him a plethora of admirers that could probably put any idol to shame and he had the brains to rival any rising prodigy, hidden behind the unkempt hair, oversized clothes barely held on his fragile waist by a weathered belt, and a mountain of withering texts about Freud or islets of Langerhans eternally weighing down on his slender arms to hide his tired face from view, these have gone unnoticed in the four years of his university life. What also likely helped repel the onslaught of wooers was the unlimited number of little ornaments normally seen in the possession of pubescent girls, ranging in colour and size and shape, hanging from his overused green backpack; the same characters of these also adorned much of his clothing and belongings, increasing the repulsion effect by a factor of ten to the power of dork.
Lu Han was, as some might say, an otaku; an otaku with a strong attraction to all things cute and cuddly.
This was not to say that Lu Han was completely shunned by society. He had somehow gained the friendships of Lay, his playful Chinese roommate majoring in dance, and Tao, an introverted philosophy major who only really became alive at the mention of cake, wushu and Kris, the strapping young man who shared Lu Han’s psychology classes and just so happened to be Tao’s boyfriend. There were also Xiu Min and Chen, both in his biology classes and on friendly terms with him except when Lu Han encountered something that activated the otaku within him in which case they mysteriously disappeared from sight. Actually, this course of action was inherent in each of his friends who find it much easier to feign ignorance to his existence than face the fanatical effusions of love and excessive hugging of both people around him and the object of his worship that an encounter with something that caught his fancy usually provoked.
And this brings us to the present situation: all five cornering him in the middle of a department store just off campus, Chen clutching a gigantic Poring plushie to his chest with Tao and Kris blocking the path between him and the enraged otaku while Lay and Xiu Min held him back.
Xiu Min tried to coax the honey-haired boy into a state of calm as more eyes shifted in their direction. “Lu Han, you have to let it go.”
“’Let it go’? Do you have any idea what that is?! That is freaking limited edition!”
Lay resisted the urge to roll his eyes for fear of getting socked in the face. “You said that about the last twenty plush toys you’ve stuffed into my side of the closet.” The lunge in his direction that Xiu Min (thank goodness) had managed to stop told the dancer that words would earn him a new face as well and effectively sealed his mouth.
“Lu Han,” Kris begins, his deep voice commanding all their attentions immediately. “Don’t you see? You have a problem and we, your very concerned friends, are trying to help.” The others nodded in quick agreement.
Their patient, however, was disbelieving. “I don’t have a problem.”
Tao raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? How many Hello Kitties do you have?”
“They’re not ‘Hello Kitties’; they have different names and they have different editions too! The proper name of the main character is Kitty White and she has a twin sister called Mimmy; their father’s name is George and…” He trailed off as his own words registered in his head and the knowing looks the crowding men were giving began to irk him. “Whatever! I don’t have a plushie addiction!”
Tao sighed and motioned to the older male behind him, “Chen-ge, go hide it somewhere.” Chen nodded quickly and turned on his heel to leave when an animalistic growl erupted from Lu Han’s chest as he forced his way past the towering figures of Tao and Kris and pounced on the frightened male who screeched (in what he hoped was a manly way), throwing the pink toy into the air to shield himself from the oncoming attack, then both fell onto the floor in a struggling heap. The others scrambled to save Chen from Lu Han’s wrath, composed of flailing his arms wildly all over the place while Chen curled into a ball and whimpered.
“Give it back!” Lu Han snarled to his so-called-friends when they finally pulled him off the traumatized man, whipping an accusing finger towards them while they fussed over Chen and accidentally striking a bystander on the chest. Realizing what he had done and gaining at least some semblance of sanity, Lu Han whirled around to apologize and stopped when his eyes landed on the pink plush in the arms of one highly attractive male with adorably droopy eyes and coffee-coloured hair tousled just the right way that made Lu Han wonder if it felt as soft as one of his plush toys (you know, just out of curiosity).
“Um… ow.” The first words (barely even words, really) that tumbled out of the pretty boy’s mouth in a sultry voice that nearly made Lu Han drop on the spot. In the otaku’s eyes, he was the living replica of those incredibly perfect bishounen in shoujo manga (not that he read any, nope – just an occasional glance every once in a while, that’s all). The living manga character gestured toward the toy in his hand as he rubbed his rib, “Are you looking for this?”
Lu Han nodded dumbly, IQ points evaporating with every breath of the individual in front of him. The boy tossed it to him with a toothy grin that made his cheeks warm then reached over to pat him on the head, effectively stopping Lu Han’s heart for at least a second. “Here you go. You’re cute but you should behave because others might get hurt.”
“I am not a kid! I’m twenty two!”
The boy gave a start and jerked his hand away. “What? You’re older than me? Woah! But you look like-”
“A twelve year old, I know.” Lu Han huffed; the boy may be cute but cute did not give him an excuse to mock his child-like countenance – he had a few hundred other people for that and his wonderful friends who liked to laugh at him every time he got carded at a club or the liquor store. Whatever, he preferred staying at home to watch anime with his plush toys anyway.
Mr Real-Life-Bishounen gave him a bashful smile and Lu Han almost died on the spot. “I’m Oh Sehun, first year.” He offered his incredibly attractive hands, Lu Han couldn’t help but notice, and held the elder’s in a gentle yet firm grip that caused his skin to tingle. “Lu Han.”
Just before Lu Han could blabber something stupid and otaku-related due to the physical closeness of the figure of male perfection before him, a pale-skinned man with a radiant smile popped out of nowhere and called, “There he is! Sehun, we’re going home now! Hurry up!” The pair dropped each other’s hands immediately and Sehun scratched the back of his neck with an apologetic grin. “My friend’s calling so… I’ll see you later, hyung.” Lu Han nodded, waving weakly in farewell and watched the younger boy disappear around the corner with his friend and four other similarly aged boys.
He continued to stare in the same direction until Xiu Min waved a hand in front of his face and brought him back from his reverie. “Guys!” He exclaimed, hugging the Poring doll to his chest excitedly. “Did you just see that?”
Chen, now safely on his feet and out of pouncing range, dusted himself off and gave him a quizzical look. “Yeah… Oh Sehun the freshman in the dance department? He’s pretty popular.”
Lu Han’s head snapped in Lay’s direction; his roommate shrunk back, unsure of the reason for the accusatory glare aimed at him. “How could you not tell me that there was a person who looks exactly like Hanazawa Rui in your department?”
Immediately, he regretted asking that simple one word question as it spurred the blitz of a myriad of nonsensical acclamations of adoration for the said anime character and the real life counterpart. Eventually, all six were kicked out of the store with Lu Han still avidly describing the exact hue of Sehun’s hair and what the others were pretty sure was the imaginary effusion of rainbow sparkles from the younger male’s head all the while still squeezing the darned pink toy in his arms. Unfortunately.
Kris looked up from his paper about child psychology and development (useful for dealing with the people he’s usually with he explained) and quirked an eyebrow at the harried-looking dancer who had abruptly interrupted the group’s regular study session at the school cafe by barging in with a giggling otaku in tow. “I beg your pardon?”
Lay dropped into an empty seat at the table and jabbed a finger in Lu Han’s direction beside him as the overly happy male continued to stare out the window with a stupid smile plastered on his boyish face. “There’s something wrong with him.”
Tao sighed and dropped the piece of cake he was about to eat back on his plate. “Is this his plushie addiction again? What did he buy off E-bay this time?”
Lay shook his head fervently. “No, he hasn’t bought anything in weeks.”
That perked everyone’s attention.
Noting their disbelieving gazes, Lay said, “Here, I’ll show you.” He took one of Lu Han’s key chains (a Mokona one affectionately named “Baozi” by Lu Han when he held it up next to Xiu Min’s face for comparison and earned a pinch in the arm for it) off its place on the other’s green bag without the other male even bothering to divert his gaze – a feat that already had the others shocked since Lu Han was very possessive about his little ornaments – and waved it in front of its owner’s face. Lu Han just continued staring out the window with the same sickeningly sweet smile.
Xiu Min was the first to comment. “Well that was easier than expected. I thought we would have to tie him to his bed and ship his collection to Africa in his sleep or something.”
“What is he staring at?”
“The largest, cutest, cuddliest-looking plushie he’s ever seen, apparently.” Lay made a gagging expression then indicated towards the basketball court right outside the café through the window and directed their attention to one particular chocolate-haired freshman. The others gaped at him.
“Sehun?” Lu Han giggled at the mention of the name without averting his gaze. The others felt like throwing the Mokona at his face just to rid it of its stupid expression.
“It’s worse when we’re at home. I’ve had to listen to him talk about Sehun for three hours. Three hours.” Lay looked as if he wanted to pull out his hair. “How can he even do that when he’s never actually met him after that day?! And I would know that he hasn’t because I have to listen to him talk about Sehun for three freaking hours!”
Before anyone could say anything, a tall, gangly-limbed boy approached them with a smaller male, eyes rimmed with black liner, and greeted them with a smile that stretched across his whole face and a voice that certainly didn’t match his face the same way Lu Han’s age didn’t match his. “Ayo wassup guys?”
Kris pressed a hand to his face with a sigh. “I cannot believe you just did that, Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol’s eyes widened innocently as he and the male beside him, greeted by the others as Baekhyun, waved at everyone at the table. “What?” Kris rolled his eyes.
Lu Han, upon Chanyeol’s greeting, had turned his attention away from the window and gasped at the two men. He then narrowed his eyes accusingly at his friends. “You never told me you knew his friends! You traitors! What other information are you keeping from me to prevent my perfect shoujo happily-ever-after?!”
Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked understandably puzzled. “Uh… What’s Lu Han-hyung talking about?”
Lu Han let out a strangled gurgle and pointed at the two in shock. “How do you know my name?!”
Xiu Min patted the two confused men on the shoulders. “You’ll have to excuse him; we’re still trying to get Kris to earn his diploma so that he can professionally assess his mentality. He’s only recently gotten over his plushie addiction but now he’s obsessing over the ‘perfection of Oh Sehun’.”
Chen, on the other hand, was trying to calm the otaku as he explained, “Hyung, we’ve known their group for a while now, you know. Well, we don’t know Sehun and Kai as well as the others since they’re freshmen and just joined the group recently. But maybe if you looked up from your textbooks or plushies every once in a while, you’d actually notice.” This, however, caused the older man to start hyperventilating about the possibility of Sehun knowing him even before their fateful encounter roughly three weeks, four days, nine hours and seven seconds ago (give or take a few nanoseconds).
Baekhyun’s eyes twinkled mischievously and nudged the man next to him who grinned in turn. “This is just perfect then, isn’t it Chanyeol? We were just about to invite everyone to the party we’re having at D.O’s place this weekend! Lu Han-hyung can get to know everyone there and I’m sure Sehunnie will be glad to see you too.” At this point, the otaku was already an incoherent mess. Baekhyun and Chanyeol high-fived victoriously.
It didn’t take long for Lu Han to come to the conclusion that there was a valid reason that he had never before been to a college party (other than the fact that he was never technically invited to one prior). After being thoroughly groomed for the first time in probably four years and hurrying to the designated location along with his friends, attracting the notice of more than a few dozen people, both male and female, with his newly tidied state on the way, he was formally introduced to Kyungsoo, more commonly called D.O, and Suho, the eternally beaming man who had called Sehun away from him at the department store, then pushed into the cramped space filled with drunk university students mindlessly moving their bodies to the heavy bass booming from the speakers. The stench of alcohol, the uncomfortable press of sweaty bodies against him and the painful drumming of so-called-music in his ears were giving him a headache. Plus he was pretty sure some guy who smelled like he had heaved all over himself was trying to feel him up until Kris and Tao magically appeared beside him.
He wove his way through the room, trying to find a familiar face in the mass of bodies when he was roughly shoved against a dark-skinned male with jet black hair in the middle of the makeshift dance floor created in the living room.
“Sorry.” They both started to say when the boy’s eyes lit up in recognition and he smiled at the honey-haired boy. “Lu Han-hyung!”
“Um, hi?” Lu Han mentally slapped himself at the blank his mind was supplying him when he racked it for a possible name for the boy; he really needed to pay attention to people introduced to him next time before someone takes advantage of his obliviousness and kidnaps him.
“I’m Kai.” The boy offered and grinned impishly before pulling him away from the living room and toward the hallway leading to the bed rooms. “Come on, Sehun’s been looking all over for you.” Kai snickered when the older male blushed and hastened his steps.
They stopped at the last door where Kai knocked twice and received an annoyed “I already told you that you aren’t going to get me piss drunk and make me dance that stupid Macarena dance again, stupid Kai!” from the other side. Kai ignored this and the next growl of irritation when he knocked again with greater volume then bade Lu Han “have fun!” with a too-happy grin and sly gleam in his dark eyes, and pushed him in the moment the door opened so that he tumbled right into Sehun’s chest.
Lu Han cursed Kai in his head. He should have known that those twinkling eyes were up to something – this type of thing always happened in mangas.
The older male scrambled to his feet and quickly pulled the other up, ignoring the reddening of his cheeks and the jolt of electricity on his fingers the moment their hands touched. “S-sorry about that… Kai-”
Sehun coughed at the name then muttered something under his breath that sounded remotely like “I’m going to murder that idiot with a coat hanger.”
When silence fell between them, Lu Han scratched his neck nervously and said, “So… Hi?”
The younger boy grinned bashfully and motioned to him to sit on the bed; Lu Han complied, the stupid smile creeping up on his face again. Unable to think of anything to say, Sehun eyed the older male, pink staining both their cheeks, and offered, “You look different today.”
“Is it too much?” Lu Han pulled at the hem of his dress shirt with a pout. Tao and Kris had pulled out the most decent thing he owned from the chaos that was his closet and had sprayed him against his will with something that made his nose itch. “I don’t really know what to wear to these kinds of things.”
Sehun quickly shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant. You’re perf- I mean, you look good.” He nodded hastily and smiled when the other’s lips turned up at his compliment. “Not that you don’t look good normally. You look really cute normally, kind of like a Jigglypuff, so I thought you were a freshman too – sorry about that, by the way.”
Lu Han chuckled, trying to drown out the internal screaming in his brain at the fact that Sehun – the Sehun who was the most perfect man in the history of ever – was complementing him and did not seem to be repulsed by his obsessions. And he found him cute. He was positive that his brain was overheating. “I look like a Jigglypuff?”
Sehun nodded eagerly, apparently relieved by the smile on the older man’s face. “It has big eyes and a nice smile like you do. Well, actually you may be cuter. And it can sing! I heard you sing the Doraemon theme song when you were passing by one of my classes once and it sounded really good! And I should probably stop talking now because I’m starting to sound like a stalker.” He did just that and averted his gaze to his hands to prevent himself from staring at the doe-eyed boy.
Lu Han, on the other hand, was on cloud nine. He was grinning from ear to ear and laughed inwardly at the other’s last words since he himself had discovered, through extensive research and effort he probably should have invested on the chemistry lab he almost turned in late the day prior, facts about the younger boy ranging from his favourite colour to his daily routine. He wasn’t about to share this with Sehun though.
Just when Lu Han was about to say something, probably something stupid considering the state of mind he had been reduced to by the younger boy’s words, Sehun looked up at him and carefully stated, as if reading from a script, “If you really were a Pokémon, I’d choose you.”
“… Did you just use a Pokémon pick-up line?”
Sehun’s face lit up like a stop light and looked ready to die in mortification. “I thought you liked Pokémon since I’ve seen you around campus with Pikachu toys and stuff like that so Kai showed me a website with Pokémon pick-up lines… Maybe this would have worked better if I used Maple Story ones? Or Ragnarok Online ones? I’m pretty sure those exist too.” He stopped talking when Lu Han started laughing and instead blushed several deeper shades of red, mentally preparing his own funeral. And Kai’s too.
“Oh Sehun, you are perfect.”
The said male perked up at the statement. He cautiously glanced at the other and released a sigh when he saw the bright smile on his face. “So does that mean it worked?”
The older man smirked at him. “Kiss me and find out.”
Lu Han was crying buckets as he was clutching onto Sehun whose arms encircled him in a comforting embrace, trying to soothe the shorter man through his current ordeal.
From across the room, Lay yelled, an unrestrained smirk on his face, “Stop crying you big baby! I thought you quit your plushie addiction anyway.” He emphasized the last sentence by chucking another Yoshi doll into one of six waiting cardboard boxes, eliciting a strangled cry from the sobbing male. The other nine who had been convinced into helping to purify the room of its population of plush toys didn’t know whether laughing or smiling made them sadists or not.
“But those are my babies!” Lu Han choked out just as D.O dusted off a shelf that had been cleared of its previous occupants. “You are all cruel, heartless monsters!” Sehun patted his head sympathetically as his new boyfriend continued to wail.
“Oh my gosh!” Kai, spared from his early death by the fortunate outcome of last week’s party, exclaimed from within the walk-in closet, drawing everybody’s attention to him. He scurried out with a Totoro toy that was as tall as he. “Look! I found Chanyeol-hyung!”
Chanyeol’s eyes lit up and a large smile that matched that of the doll crept on his face. Beside him, Baekhyun shifted his eyes between the two and nodded in approval. “Yup, they look exactly alike.”
Chanyeol grabbed the toy and looked at Lu Han with pleading eyes. “Hyung, can I keep it? I promise to take good care of it! As if he was my own son! You wouldn’t separate us, would you?” He ignored Suho’s comment about it being a doll and not a dog, continuing instead to blink his large eyes at the distressed male.
“Only because I know you’ll take good care of him, Chanyeol.” The male assented with a melancholy smile then turned to the smiling toy and said, “Be happy with your new daddy, Totoro-ah.” He then burst into a new wave of tears that made Lay roll his eyes, Kris quickly smacking him on the head with a plush hammer for it. Chanyeol, pleased with his new acquisition, bounded up to him and Sehun and engulfed them in a big hug that included his new “son”.
“Wait. That means that I’ll have to have both that and Chanyeol smiling at me creepily at home.” Lay patted Baekhyun on the back understandingly.
When Tao pulled out a familiar pink plush toy from the towering pile on Lu Han’s bed, it was Sehun who spoke up. “No, not that one. Let him keep that one at least.”
The others shrugged; how much harm could one do? Tao tossed him the doll and Lu Han immediately pulled it to his chest so that it was sandwiched between him and Sehun. He gave his boyfriend a grateful smile and a peck on the cheek.
Pleased, Sehun planted one of his own on Lu Han’s cheek then leaned in to whisper into his ear, “Don’t worry, I’ll buy you all the plushies in the world one day. That will piss off Lay-hyung for sure.”
More from this (somewhat) series (best read in this order):
Plushie Addiction | Better than Bubble Tea (prequel) | Love Takes Time (BaekYeol)| Our Own Brand of Romance (Taoris)
omg- Kai, Sehun, Baekhyun and Chanyeol in Twinkle. XD EXO-M and EXO-K are now reunited too! Today is a happy day.
This one took a bit longer to write than usual... I normally write stories in one sitting but life kept on getting in the way (aka I was fooling around with my friends now that I have been released from the bondage of school) so it took a little longer than usual.
Prompted by Lu Han's apparent love for plush toys.
A Poring is a monster from Ragnarok Online (which is a game), if you didn't know. And Yoshi is from Mario.
I only found out about Hello Kitty's real name and family from Wikipedia while writing this. Who knew?
I found that pick up line on the internet... I'm not good at coming up with my own.
(Edited some mistakes.)